Stephanos and Chloe

Account of Stephanos, mason in Justinian's Constantinople

1.

I am writing here to remind myself of a debt owed to me by Phocas. He told me he still could not pay for the urns I made him the other day. I doubt I will ever receive the money, and I need all I can muster. It appears grain prices are rising, and fast. Far gone were the days where I could purchase five litras of wheat for a few nomismas. There are reports of a plague in Egypt, one that causes horrible blackening of flesh and swollen sores. I am otherwise inclined to ignore this affliction; the Copts if anything have brought this on themselves for their heterodoxy, yet if this continues, I worry that my family and I shall go hungry. As it stands, our stores are meagre, and commerce throughout the Empire has ground to a halt, thanks to the squandering of our supplies by the Emperor. All Italy has brought was death and hardship, I wouldn’t be surprised if we lost the province outright to the Goths. I say let them have that backwater. The might of Rome is squandered there, let them secure the borders with the fire worshippers instead.

2.

I must have been wrong about this being punishment for the Copts. It has been scarcely a week since the plague has entered the city, and the hardship upon us is manifold. Have we not been faithful? Unlike the deranged followers of Arius or Nestor, we have stayed true to Christ’s church. So why has this been wrought upon us? Every night I am petrified by the wailing of the dying, and the stench of the dead. Commerce has ceased; all not fortunate enough to have stores of food have gone hungry. I myself am fortunate; I have several urns of honey and garum, along with dried fish, a bit of meat and some grain. We are also fortunate in that only Theodosius is with us, our other sons Ioannes and Nikephoros are in Carthage in the garrison, after beating back the Vandals. I believe my stores should last my wife and I a fortnight at least, yet I know not how long this will last, or if we will fall asleep long sooner.

The only honest work done now is that of the gravediggers, who toil night and day unceasingly, for the mount of corpses grow without halt. They must be pitied, they are short and gaunt, wretched people who need their next meal more than they value their lives. Doctors are few and far between, but even they have no idea on how to cure this. Bloodletting and cold baths are what they recommend, yet they cannot visit everyone, and even their own numbers are falling. Even the sanctuary of the church is withheld; Divine Liturgy has not been celebrated in weeks. If I am to die, I would at least wish to partake in communion one last time, and have my confession heard. My sins are manifold, and without the forgiveness of the Lord, my soul will be lost to the abyss. I should have been more forgiving about the debts owed to me, for the debt I owe my savior is many multitudes greater. I can only hope that His mercy shall save me.

3.

There is no hope for me. Let this be a testimony of the hardship endured by the Roman people during these times. It has been three days since I discovered the blackness in my fingertips and the swelling in my legs. Every day I am helpless in my cot, stewing in pus and my own decaying stench. I pray that this is a test of faith, that once the people of the world truly turn to Christ, then we may be saved. Even the Emperor has not been spared. He has become infected, and his heretical wife has died. In the end, his warmongering was only halted by this damned plague.

I have ordered my wife to retreat to another part of the house. There is no treating me. Those who are afflicted last nary a week. I will spend my last days repenting for the sins I have and still commit. I only pray that I am among the few who will enter His Kingdom. May He understand that I could not confess, and may He show mercy for my sins, for I continue to defy Him every day, so wretched is my existence. My only hope is that my children and wife survive this, this is all I ask. I will request this here, and if I am among the saved, in heaven. Let it be known that Stephanos has died a faithful husband, a devout Christian and a loving father.

Diary of Chloe, a student in New York

1.

I heard about people getting sick in China, there’s a new kind of flu or something. People are really freaking out, talking about it turning into a pandemic. I don’t get it, let’s be rational, it's literally just a flu! Like I get people are worried because it’s new, but I think it’s getting blown way out of proportion. People get the flu all the time and most people are ok, I don’t understand how this could be any different. They’re putting up signs in the bookstore I work in telling people to wash their hands, which isn’t bad advice, but the whole thing with facemasks? Does that even do anything? My main concern isn’t the flu, I have bigger things to worry about. My girlfriend has been studying abroad in Paris, and they are talking about sending her back early. I really want to see her, but I can’t help feeling like this is unfair to her. She has to miss out on this experience because some people got the flu?

Even though I think this over reaction is ridiculous, I still feel bad for all the Asian Americans who have to deal with the reactions of the people around them. I’ve been hearing about people experiencing harassment, my friend Rachel got yelled at on her way to class yesterday. I prayed for her last night, I’m going to pray for her again in church tomorrow. I can’t understand how people will use any excuse to be racist. Hopefully this will all blow over soon.

2.

I might have been wrong about this “flu”. In fact, I was definitely wrong. I didn’t realize how bad it was, how bad it could be. The bookstore closed, and I don’t know how I’m going to get by now. My landlord told me not to worry about rent for this month, but what happens after that? My parents more or less cut me off when I came out, so I don’t really have a safety net. Classes are online now and it’s so much harder to stay on top of things, but if I don’t, I’ll lose my scholarship. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My roommates went home to their parents, so I’m all alone now. Even so, I know I’m lucky. I have a place to live with an understanding landlord, and I know just staying home isn’t the worst thing in the world. I can do it if it will save lives. I’m lucky to have access to technology and the internet so I can call my friends, so even when I feel lonely it’s not as bad as it could be. I’m so thankful for the doctors, nurses, grocery store workers and other employees who have been keeping things running through all of this.

I just wish I could still go to church. It’s been such a supportive and understanding community, especially after my last church reacted to my love life so badly. Church is live streamed now, and even though it’s better than nothing, I feel like I’ve lost such a big part of my support system. I miss physically feeling that sense of community and belonging.

I’m worried about so many people in my life, but especially my grandma. She’s the only member of my family that still talks to me, and she told me today that someone in her nursing home might have it. I wish I could be with her, I wish I could take her to live with me, but I can’t. Hopefully the nurses will take good care of her. I’m still praying, every day, that she’s ok, that Rachel is ok, that my girlfriend is ok. I can’t wait to see everyone when this is all over.

3.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so hurt, so broken. My mother called me for the first time in months today. She told me my grandma died. They found out she had the virus this morning and by this evening she was gone. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. I feel like I should have been there with her, I should have been able to do something. I feel so helpless. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe God is trying to tell me, all of us, something.

My mom was furious, screaming at me over the phone. Her pastor has been telling them this disease is divine punishment for the sin in the world, specifically for homosexuality. She told me it was my fault, that I had killed my grandmother. I didn’t even know what to say. I was shaking so bad and now I feel so confused. My world has been shattered. Even though my new church has helped me gain so much confidence and I have felt closer to God than ever recently, I can’t help but allow those thoughts back into my head, the self doubt and hate I was raised with echo my mother’s screams. What if this is my fault? I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go. I feel so alone.

By Katharine Erath and Christian Georgantonis